So, you’ve travelled all the way to the underworld to hear my amazing tale? Even better, you get to be my lunch!
My name’s Hydra Head 1 and that head on my other neck (the ugly one) she’s Hydra Head 2. The other head on my right, he’s cool. Confused yet? You should be. I’m a huge snake with lots of heads. I mean unfair! I have to live with these immortal goons in my face.
Fine, you’re not all goons but 127 percent of you are. And no, Head 8, I don’t care it’s not a real percentage. Your nothing more than a Headache.
Back to the point! How am I, the glorious Hydra, here? That can be summed up in one word.
Stupid, wretched, annoying Hercules.
“That’s not one word”
Quiet, 4. It’s not like you can read! You failed the spelling test anyway!
Where was I? Ah yes, stupid Hercules. We were just minding our own business in the swamp – eating children and terrorising the locals. Nothing even remotely evil or monstrous. Then poof, Hercules appeared!
“You screamed like a baby!”
Did not! That was head 2!
I had a good reason. He began swinging his sword like a wild toddler. Next to him, a little boy stood awkwardly. Hercules seemed like a juicy meal so I asked if I could eat him – politely.
He said no, then asked for my death. I said no, then leaped forwards for a bite. I have big teeth for a reason. He waved his flimsy piece of metal and cut off head 2. I liked her! In her place, 2 more heads sprouted. They started yelling and screaming. New heads are always irritating. We got to work as usual acting like feral beasts.
You know that little boy? He ran off to hide behind a tree. A little while later, he sprinted to Hercules with a flaming stick. What was he going to do, roast some marshmallows? Little did I know marshmallows were our heads. Whilst the boy played with fire, Hercules crept up and cut off head 4. Then, the boy rushed over and set fire to the neck. No heads sprouted. We all looked so ugly, and we were all going to die.
Head 7 and 8 lunged at Hercules. Chop, chop, and burn. As Hercules cut off more heads and burned more necks, I grew more frustrated. Hercules got to me. Just as he cut off my head, I made sure this would never count as one of his silly labours.
And that, my next lunch, is how I came to live here. Huh he’s a bit quiet, isn’t he? Head 6! Did you eat him?
Well, where is he gone?
“He escaped whilst you explained our elaborate back story”
No one told me.
“You said be quiet.”
Oh, so it’s my fault now.
And so, the many Hydra heads argued for the rest of the eternity.